Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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