Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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