Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This baby is an asshole
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
