I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Drunk is not a location!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
