4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
