I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
