Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
