I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
