She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
