haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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