He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
