Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
