shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
