1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
