Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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