Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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