im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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