Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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