I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
