That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
