I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
