twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
