you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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