I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
