is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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