I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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