she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
