he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
