The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
