Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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