Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
