So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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