bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
