I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
