we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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