i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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