Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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