she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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