we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
