I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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