My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
