I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
