OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
