So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
