Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
