A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
