vagina is talking i cant
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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