I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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