Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
