Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
