Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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