you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
