I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
