this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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